Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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