I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
