So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
barbara walters just said penis...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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