She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
