yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize