I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
