I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
This house was built for laser tag.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
