There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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