I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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