Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
