I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
