I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
