How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
