hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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