separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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