So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
