butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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