Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
