New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We are all done wearing pants today
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
