Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
