my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you win again, gameday.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
