so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
