He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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