We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
