I am puke
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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