The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
