I've blown a few things in my day
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize