I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
