i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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