Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
