Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
