is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
