she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
