I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
