My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
