She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
