I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
