The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
