It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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