remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
