I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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