I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
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