I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
