I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
