You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
