Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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