You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
