First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize