I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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