I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
