We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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