he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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