new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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