I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
