If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
