There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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