Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
