Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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