Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
