About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
