the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
