Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
