Need sex. Gaining weight.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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