Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
