1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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