So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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