I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
