It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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