dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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