I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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