Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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