I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
