I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
