So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize