Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
