just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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