I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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