i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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