White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
