The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
