ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
