if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
