I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
