Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize