fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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