I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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