it hurts more in the daytime
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
